Nice Work: You can’t prove your value to someone who isn’t interested in seeing it.

Hey there,

A few weeks ago, I mentioned giving a new talk about gaslighting at work. I’d meant to have that talk turned into an essay by then—hell, I meant to have the essay written back in August, before I even left for the talk. But, well, writing is hard. My family was in town. I got Covid.

And it turns out, I had a lot to say. 

I’m excited to finally share it today. It’s a big read, so I put it on Medium, and included just the first bit here. Pop a fresh tab open and set aside some time. I hope it gets you thinking more deeply about how you spend your time and energy, whether you’re a designer or not. 

—Sara

Hey designers, they’re gaslighting you

“Prove your value.” “Justify your presence.” “Demonstrate impact.” Too many organizations have convinced designers that they’re the problem — that if they just worked harder, they’d be taken seriously. But if just doing more were going to fix the problem… it’d be fixed by now.

The first thing I loved about coaching was the intimacy—the chance to strip away the veil of professionalism, and create spaces where people could get real about their challenges, their dreams, and their disappointments. But pretty soon, I noticed another benefit: by talking with people in a range of different roles and organizations, I could start to see patterns. And lately, what people have been telling me has been alarming. Things like:

These people all cared deeply about their work and were invested in their disciplines. They participated in professional communities, read books, learned new techniques and technologies. So when they were advised to do more, they did. They honed their business skills. Their quantitative skills. Their “executive presence.” They stretched across bunches of pods or squads, made more decks, “democratized” their research practices.

They tried so, so hard to prove that they were valuable. But all they got for their effort was bone-deep burnout.

So I started paying attention to where these messages were coming from. And pretty soon, I noticed them everywhere. Like when Judd Antin, a former research leader at Meta and Airbnb, wrote about what he called the “research reckoning”:

Or when I wrote about the “prove your value” problem on LinkedIn, and one particularly salty UX leader told me that designers were being “pathetic.” He went on:

Over and over, the message was clear: Just do more. And if that doesn’t work, you didn’t do enough.

Friends, this is gaslighting. It’s a manipulative technique that makes designers question their own sanity and assume that they’re the problem—but that maybe, if they just try one more time, things will change. But they never do. Because the truth is, you cannot overwork your way into being valued. You cannot explain or fight your way into being valued.

You can’t prove your value to someone who isn’t interested in seeing it.

So instead of burning ourselves out trying, what if we stopped?

I know that might sound terrifying: Just stop worrying about whether people think my work is valuable?! But I’ve met people who’ve done it—and found more peace on the other side. So this summer, I asked some of them how they did it, what they learned, and where they’re putting their energy instead.

EPISODE 12

What do I do with all this despair?

You can’t doomscroll your way out of disillusionment…but it’s pretty tempting to keep trying.

On the reading list

It all means nothing in the end
What do you do when you’ve attached your sense of self to work, and work suddenly feels meaningless? That’s the question design systems consultant Amy Hupe starts to answer for herself in this beautiful, funny, and honest talk. 

Networking advice for people who hate networking (but need a job)
Job-seekers have been working incredibly hard this year—endless applications, endless portfolio tweaks, endless angst. But a lot of them have totally shut down when I mentioned networking. I get it: networking can feel weird and forced. But it’s probably your most powerful tool. Jennifer Kim shows you how to approach it in a more natural, and more effective, way. 

Burn after writing
I’ve been a fan of Elizabeth McGuane since I saw her speak at the first Content Strategy Forum way back in 2010. Now she has a new book on using words in the design process, Design by Definition. In this reflection on writing the book, she explores the way being a words person has shaped her career, her leadership style, and her life. 

The Inclusive Language Field Guide
I had the pleasure of meeting Suzanne Wertheim a couple years ago, when I interviewed her for the old Strong Feelings podcast. She’s a linguist who’s turned her attention toward the way bias shows up in our language at work—and now she’s written a new book all about inclusive language. I can’t wait to get my hands on it.