My ADHD hype cycle was breaking me

You did this to yourself.

I’ve chastised myself with this line so many times, it would be pointless to count. Usually, I’m buried in tasks I’ve scrawled down in one of my various paper planners, trying to ignore the 300 must-reply emails in my inbox, cancelling plans with friends and family, seething with resentment at every request or reminder that comes my way, and staring blankly at a wall wondering what is wrong with me.

It’s the curse of being someone who always wants to say yes!—not out of some sense of obligation, but of genuine excitement. Yes, I’d love to run that meetup group! Yes, I’d love to kick off that new team initiative! Yes, I’d love to teach that course! Yes, I’d love to speak at your event! Yes yes yes yes yes yes.

I’ve had ADHD my whole life. It was easy to forget about it once I was done with school, no longer forced to sit still for hours listening to people lecture at me. But the more my career progressed, the more I started to remember.

I know that part of this was internal pressure: Do this—it’ll look good on your resume! It’ll help you make the case for your promotion. Your team needs you, your project needs you, your company needs you.

But that’s only half the story. The other half is this: I was piling up my plate because I was hungry. When opportunity knocked, I was hyped to dig in.

This is where the burnout cycle differs for people with ADHD. It doesn’t start with a slow erosion or steady depletion. It starts with a gush of enthusiasm that feels really, really good.

Until it doesn’t.

Here’s what that cycle looks like for me.

In the excitement stage of ADHD burnout, when I go all in on something, I’m in deep. I’ll chug away at it for hours without moving, without drinking water, without going to the bathroom, without checking my phone. You’d have to physically shake me in order to get my attention. My brain sparkles with new input, new ideas, new connections. I get obsessed.

I’m slow to notice when I’ve gone too far—and it’s here, in the pressure stage, that little signs of overwhelm and exhaustion start creeping in. Too stimulated to get to sleep. Too busy to eat real food. Off on so many side quests, my day-to-day responsibilities get pushed off to tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the weekend.

I know I've hit the challenge phase when everything feels hard, sloppy, and out of control. The shame swaddles me like a straightjacket, and I start thrashing and doing more trying to free myself. That’s usually when the voice in my head pops up.

You did this to yourself.

And if I’m not careful—if I don’t pull myself back from the brink—I lose myself in the withdrawal phase, where I completely shut down. I physically can’t reply to your email, come to your event, feed myself. The battery has been drained so low that I have to literally remove myself from the world for a while.

For an ambitious, energetic, and engaged person, this can feel a little like dying. You become unrecognizable to yourself—and it’s all your fault. 

I’ve had so many coaching clients reach out from the withdrawal phase: berating themselves for not being able to keep up, for feeling so overwhelmed, for being “lazy,” “ridiculous,” or “incompetent.” They wonder if they need to take leave, quit their jobs, or change fields. And sometimes they do.

But be warned: this cycle follows you wherever you go. 

When you have ADHD, you don’t ever get to leave the ride, but you can control how you navigate it. You can slow yourself down in the excitement phase, so you’re more intentional about what you say yes to. You can stay present in the pressure stage, so you take better care of yourself. You can reframe your self-perception in the challenge phase, and hit the pause button instead of careening into the withdrawal phase. 

I’ve set up little guardrails for my passions. Some of them are as small as saying: you can only sign up for one course at a time. (I love taking classes!) Or setting timers to remind myself to get off the computer and go outside. Or getting more comfortable admitting to someone: “I underestimated how much time and energy this was going to take, and now I need to reset expectations.”

At the core of all of these small adjustments is the most involved, extensive project I’ve ever undertaken: accepting myself as I am, and not who I wish I was. As with any project, there are creative restraints: This is the reality I’m working with. These are the accommodations and supports I need to thrive.

If you too find yourself riding the highs and lows of the ADHD burnout cycle, I want to remind you of something that I try to remember myself: 

Yes, you did this to yourself. And that means you can get yourself out of it.

VIRTUAL WORKSHOP

Protect Yourself From ADHD Burnout

Bring yourself back from the brink by working with—not against—your brain

Friday, October 17 from 1pm-3:30pm

Workplace churn is a lot for everyone, but for those of us with ADHD it can be even harder. We’re already doing double-duty, trying to disprove the voice in our head that tells us we’re too lazy, too disorganized, too sensitive, too irresponsible.

Learn better ways to navigate through the noise and honor your unique needs—instead of falling into old, ineffective strategies like masking, people-pleasing, and overwork.

This workshop is led by two experts in supporting ADHD folks at work: Jen Dionisio, a certified coach with additional training on neurodiversity support and advocacy, and Melissa Rogel, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and coach.