Nice Work: The Accidental Leader

Hey there,

Here’s a confession: when Sara asked me to co-facilitate our next workshop, Lead Your Way, my inner critic popped up to sneer: “Who do you think you are to teach this?”

This voice used to derail me—but this time, I  welcomed it in. Because now I know it’s just a part of me that needs reassurance that I am good enough.

See, I stumbled into leadership by accident. I never really raised my hand. But time and time again, someone would nudge me towards more responsibility, so I’d gamely play along and hope I didn’t make everything a mess.

One example: when I signed up for a manager’s mentoring program at work, it was actually to be a participant. I’d been a people manager for over a year, but felt like I still had so much to learn. But then I realized I’d been assigned as a mentor instead.

When my mentee and I got on our first call, she told me how happy she was to be paired with me. And frankly, I thought she was just being polite. But then she shared something that caught me off guard:

It was an incredible compliment. And though I’m usually quick to shrug those off, I didn’t this time. I was really, really proud. But also… I felt a little confused, because I had a vision in my head of a real leader—and it didn’t look like me.

It looked like the leaders I’d come to most admire over my career. People who could step into a room and command attention and respect. People who were always poised, even under fire. Articulate and clever speakers, with sharp instincts and a deep well of experience. People who weren’t ever afraid to speak truth to power and fight back against injustice, no matter the cost.

Those qualities felt aspirational to me—things I could appreciate and admire in others, but not quite achieve for myself. I assumed most people just roped me into growth opportunities as a reward for being a good collaborator, a fun hang, and someone with enough self-awareness to not be a total pain in the ass.

It felt like cheating sometimes. No one nominated me for being transformational—but, rather, for being…nice.

But what’s wrong with being a nice leader? I had seen my choices as binary—either be confident and competent, or be compassionate and kind. But all the leaders I most admired had a healthy mixture of both. Their advocacy came from a place of caring. Their courage came from a place of concern. Their support gave me permission, moment by moment, to be a little more myself.

“How cool to continue that lineage!” is what I now think whenever I remember my mentee’s words. By showing up as-is, I gave her permission to be a little more herself, too.

If appreciating your own leadership qualities has been a challenge, join us on April 19th for Lead Your Way. It’s designed for people who want to rethink what being a leader means—and put it into practice. Sara and I will share tools and techniques for noticing and championing the most authentic leadership qualities in you.

But why wait until then? While you’re here, take a moment to ask yourself: What’s one thing about myself as a leader that feels special to me? Maybe that’s “special” like unique; maybe it’s “special” like important. Whatever it is, take a moment to celebrate it. And remember: someone else might be secretly celebrating it about you, too.

—Jen

Upcoming workshops

Lead Your Way
April 19 from 12-2:30pm ET

You don’t have to become someone else to be a leader. Learn how finding your true leadership strengths can help you beat impostor syndrome and bring your most powerful perspective to work.

Coaching Skills for Content Leaders
May 11 as part of the Lead with Tempo Conference

We’ll be running our coaching workshop—customized for content folks—at the Lead with Tempo conference this year! If you’re a content leader, don’t miss this event—it’s got a stellar lineup!

2023 Team Reset
May 25 from 12-2:30pm ET 

Are layoffs, reorgs, or budget cuts causing stress on your team? Learn how to stay out of panic mode and navigate uncertain times with more clarity in this workshop.

New podcast! Per My Last Email starts April 13

We are so excited to let you in on a secret: we’re launching a new podcast! On Per My Last Email, we’ll coach you through all the toxic experiences and uncomfortable feelings that come up at work. Take a listen to our trailer now—and get ready for our very first episode on April 13! We’ll be tackling a very touchy subject: the dreaded performance review.

Subscribe now: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Amazon Music 

Have a dilemma you’d like us to feature in a future episode? Submit it here.